


Saffronk High

by Holdt



Category: DC Extended Universe
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 21:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16563809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holdt/pseuds/Holdt
Summary: ManMan Thonksgiving 2018Prompt: YeethonkFor: Orphan's Plot Trinket"Clark Kent is meme-ier (and yeehawier, and maybe even thonkier) than expected."





	Saffronk High

No civilians. No quarter given. A hard fight. A _good_ fight. A fight that meant Batman didn’t have to worry about anything but breaking jaws with two fists and applying boots to criminal asses. So- _many-asses-to-kick._ It's his favorite kind of party. Plus, the bank they were robbing was his, so it's not just business as usual or even good business— it's _a pleasure._

The best kind of fight. And he would win, because he was the goddamned Batman. Of course, it would have been an even better fight, if the brilliantly clad hero in blue and red would just stop taking away his toys. He blocked the hit from behind, disabled the two in front of him and turned to attack—

“Howdy! This guy botherin’ you?” Clark held the man suspended by his flak jacket, beaming at Bruce as the guy struggled in his hold.

“Thought you took the night off,” Batman growled. He spun away, flicking out a line to snag the ankle of a runner and gave it a vicious yank. Superman’s happy chuckle came from behind him.

“N’leave all the fun to you? What’s the score?"

 _“_ Dirtbags zero. I’m _winning.”_ It wasn’t an invitation.

 _I am vengeance_. Vengeance’s punchiest puncher.

“Yee- _haw!”_ Clark crowed, zooming into a cluster of dirtbags.

 _I am the night._ The darkest of the dark unseen.

“YEET!” yelled Clark with a cheerful laugh as he jettisoned an unfortunate villain across the palazzo.

Batman’s sigh was as quiet thing that wanted to be a nothing. It wasn’t nothing. _What the hell is a yeet?_ He punched the crook he had pinned to a wall again, just for the fuck of it. “I _don’t._ _Need_ your help.”

 _I am justice._ Just about to deliver some much needed and sorely late in coming ass-whoopings.

“Roger that! Allly-OOP!" Bruce registered a blur of exuberant blue.

"Jesus Christ, it's _both of em! RUN!"_ screamed the only one of the crooks with a working brain. He screamed even louder as he was swung through the air.

"YEET!” Clark cried, with another toss. It was... oddly satisfying.

Still.

"Stop... _saying_ that!" Batman dealt a fast left hook and followed it up with an open-palmed slap to an unprotected sternum, right before there was a clanging sound. His opponent (ha!) fell. Batman turned, because it was the kind of sound that made a Batman want to do that. A jerk with a crowbar stood, body thrumming with the vibrations from his attempt to hit Superman, who was looking at the man as if he were a particularly special brand of stupid.

_Enjoy your microfractures, asshole. I am a wraith._

“Ya see what happens when ya sneak up on people?” Clark asked the man sympathetically. “Look at your life. Look at your choices.” He shook his head sadly as he poked the man in the chest and watched him fall over with a disappointed expression. He frowned down at the mass of groaning and battered men, fists on his hips. “Y’all need _Jesus_.” And indeed, there was no lack of praying coming from the delinquents that could still talk clearly.

_I am… losing my patience._

In all likelihood, an ambulance was probably a better bet than divine intervention.

Doggedly, Batman ignored him and snatched up the loot bag from the ground. He didn’t have to look to know the Kryptonian was peering over his shoulder at the double fistfull of unpolished diamonds.

“Awww B… they went to _Jared’s._ ”

Bruce huffed in spite of himself.

“Knew these guys were a bunch’a d-bags, but this is actually a surprise!" Clark zipped back and forth, hovering restlessly over first one of Batman's shoulders, then the other, as he worked. "And they had _rayguns,  awww!_ Baaad plan! They must’a _really_ wanted that D.”

“No more saffron for you,” Bruce grunted under his breath.

“Lil dab won hurt nuthin, B. Looks like you wanted that D pretty bad yourself.”

“I highly doubt that.” Which was a lie. The _best_ lie. “What was that word?” He concentrated on the zipties as he moved from one downed man to the next. “Yeet?”

“Kryptonian battle-cry,” Clark said solemnly, and Bruce narrowed his eyes at the sudden tone change.

”You’re kidding.”

Clark smiled, sparking with manic energy. “Hey! Why don’t I help you clean up? Gosh, these guys made a  mess! How many a'these things you wanna keep anyway?” He poked at a sidearm, and a beam shot out. A neat five-by-five inch hole opened in the wall of the building to their left. "Whoops," Clark muttered, avoiding Batman's glare. He scooped them up en masse, arms wrapped around a bulky parcel of strangely assembled metal and glass tubing.

Bruce eyed him suspiciously, eyed the hole in the solid brick wall, then sighed again. “That depends on whether you plan to, ‘yeet’ anyone or thing else in the vicinity. You threw that guy forty feet.”

“Fifty!” he protested.  “And he was going to hit you. _And_ he landed on some very soft boxes and… street. You know I only yeet for you.”  
  
Bruce twitched. “I did not, but I’ll take that under consideration.”

Clark grinned. “Don’t so sore, B. Besides, quicker we get this done, quicker we can get back to your place.”

Looking up finally, Bruce stared, an exasperated frown below the cowl. “After this debacle, what makes you think you’re going to my place?”

“Well, m’feelin kinda left out here. After all, maybe _I_ wanna get the D.”

Closing his eyes, Bruce bend his head back to his task, shoulders shaking. He was professional. He was  _not amused._ He bit his lip, head tilted downward to hide his repressed laughter. He _could_ use the assist, to get the weapons back to his vault.

“Fine. You can carry my books if you get yourself settled and stay out of the spice rack. I’ll see what I can arrange.”


End file.
